Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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