WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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