if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
