i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
