I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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