I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
