dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
