I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
