i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
