I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
