Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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