redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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