I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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