C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
