Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I touched a dick in church today
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
