I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
