Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
