um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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