I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
