my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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