I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
