he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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