I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
