***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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