this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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