Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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