So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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