do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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