Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
why is half of my head shaved?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
