I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will pee on everything he values.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
