Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
