for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
