just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
