Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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