he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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