We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
