I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
His nipple licking is glorious
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