So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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