I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
