It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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