hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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