the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
