I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
