The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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