fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize