I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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