I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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