Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
