The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
