I queefed so loud it echoed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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