Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
