JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
