turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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