Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize