Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We need to get me chipped asap
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
