are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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