you guys were way drunker than both of me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
