Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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