Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
