it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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