i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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