That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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