Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
