you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
