Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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