his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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