"it" just moved
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
