is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize