About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
