So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
