Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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