Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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