That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
