so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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