i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
