He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
