Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
