It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
