i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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