Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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