I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
