What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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