Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
