You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
