how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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