new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
